No, You Pervert, I Said "Caucus"

I know you're all excited about the result of yesterday's Iowa caucus, what with the surprisingly large overlap between the Popsucker readership and the Huckabee power base.

Kidding! I know you're all rooting for Ron Paul. But now that the results of this first lap of the Great Presidential Horse Race are in, you're probably wondering, what does this mean for boys who like boys who like things, and/or girls who like girls who like stuff?

Well, GOP nominee Huckabee was the guy who said that homosexuality is "an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle" and implied that HIV patients should be quarantined, which suggests that he knew less about AIDS in 1992 than I learned that year in eighth-grade health class. Also, he wants to appoint this guy as Defense Secretary. So, yeah, Huckabee: bad for the gays.

As for the Democrats? Well, to the ladies who are reading this, I think it's a mistake to view the Democratic nomination, as so many pundits have, as a referendum on race or gender, so I'd warn against seeing Clinton's poor showing as a blow to women's rights. This isn't just a woman we're talkin' about here, it's Hillary Clinton, one of the most polarizing figures in American politics, so let's take it with a grain of salt. And this is not just a dude in first place, and not just a dude of color, it's Barack Obama, a (and now I'm talking to the gentlemen, here) SMOKIN' HOT dude of color.

Oh, whatever. It's the frickin' Iowa Caucus. I think a Caucus is how ye Baker's Guild use to choose the Village May-Queen. It ain't exactly the national bellwether everybody makes it out to be.

Still, I think I'm going to come away with this with just a glimmer of hope that, come 2009, our country will take that first bold step and swear in a President who is, let's all say it together now, SMOKIN'. HOT. (Or, alternately, a President who is a venom-spewing homophobe. Y'know, whichever.)