Bishop To Christians: Your Heaven Is Wrong

In the news of old white men who claim to know what happens after we die, renowned theologist and Bishop of Durham N.T. Wright, has shattered the traditional Christian fantasy of heaven, which describes the "good" afterlife as a lithium-calm cloud-sitting, harp-playing bore. The real fantasy heaven, Wright says (because he's read the Bible a lot) is more like...well, in the words of totally-not-crazy-sounding physicist/priest:

"God will download our software onto his hardware until the time he gives us new hardware to run the software again for ourselves."

And of Wright himself:

Never at any point do the Gospels or Paul say Jesus has been raised, therefore we are we are all going to heaven. They all say, Jesus is raised, therefore the new creation has begun, and we have a job to do.

So: the afterlife is both a solid-state hard drive and a concentration camp. Sweet. Somebody get on the phone and let Xenu know, so he can intercept our resurrection signal and beam us straight to Tom Cruise's Sodomy Sitting Parlor.

Christians Wrong About Heaven, Says Bishop [Time]