Tacky Jesus Held Ransom Over Turds

It may not qualify as a wacky bible story, but bucolic Christ-love (thank you, Mandy Moore) has struck again. This time to Jean Mansel of Kent County, Michigan, who was a victim of a strange kidnapping perpetrated by one or more neighbors disgruntled at the "wiener poopie" left out on the sidewalk from Mansel's walks with her four wiener dogs.

The missing person? Kidnappers stole an 80-pound cement Jesus statue in Mansel's front yard and left a ransom note in her mailbox. Pick up the weiner poopie, read the note, or you won't get Jesus back.

Never mind the fact that this lady had an 80-pound statue of her lord and savior in her front freaking yard (it gets better: Jesus was an "heirloom" from her late uncle), Mansel protests that where her wieners are concerned she "pick(s) up everything that they do."

Will the sweet tasteless grandma get back her cement cross jockey? Do the villainous neighbors who, willing to abduct the very son of god himself, possess the moral rectitude to return the false idol? Does anyone involved in this story stand a chance of knowing what the word "rectitude" means in the first place?

My guess: Yes; yes; no.

[via BoingBoing]