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Retrophilia: Home Videos

retrophilia (ret troh FEE lee uh) n. 1 An intense attraction for things of the past. 2 a weekly series for popsucker wherin the irrepressible Wootini reveals the horrors of the past to the present to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

I think everyone's joined a video or record club at some point in their lives. Sorry, CD club for you younguns out there. But this home video club is a little different than most. If you recognize the woman in the photo, you know what I'm talking about, but then again, calling the home video club "international" is kind of a dead giveaway, too. Want to know what I'm talking about? Go ahead and make the jump. Promise, it's safe for work!

That's right, people — it's porn!

Of course, this is an ad from 1978, when home video was still in its infancy, so these are actual porn films, not the crappy videos they started churning out in the 80s. We're talking classics like Behind the Green Door, Deep Throat and Devil In Miss Jones. Although I'm curious about the one they've got listed called Happy Days. Random title or intriguing porn parody of hit TV series? Hmmm...

The only thing is, since this is, as I said, the beginning of home video, they're a wee bit on the pricey side. You'll see in the text that the tapes are $99.50 each. That's right, nearly a hundred bucks for a porn movie. Thing is, I bet you a whole lot of people figured it was well worth the cash so they wouldn't have to be caught in a porn theater in their best raincoat anymore. And hey, for every four tapes you buy during a year, you'll get one for free! So spend $398 on four adult pictures, and you get one for free. Make it a good one!

I also love down in the fine print, they ask that when you write in with your order, to please include the make and model of your video cassette player and the longest cassette it can play. Really? That's incredible, that you could buy a VCR that would only play an hour-long tape. Crazy!

Oh, and that ad alongside of it? I would love to meet the salesperson who told someone to choose Beta over VHS. Some professional!