The delicious Phil Keoghan stands atop a skyscraper in LA explaining the concept of the show: 11 teams will race around the world, with the winning team getting a million bucks for their trouble. Classic cars drive the teams to the Los Angeles Coliseum, and as they run into the stadium, we are introduced to them, starting with:

Toni and Dallas, a mother and son. In the clip package, she seems pretty athletic, but her son is built. He's actually kind of hot, if he'd just ditch that Jersey/Long Island spiky guido 'do. She seems young enough and fit enough to last a little while.

Nick and Starr, siblings from New York and Texas. Nick is a cutie, and totally adorably gay (I'm assuming — he didn't say, but his bio on the site says he's in The Fantasticks on Broadway...). His sister's pretty, too. They do the usual "we'll do whatever it takes to win" kind of spiel, and that gives me no impression of them except that they've watched enough reality shows to know how to give a soundbite.

Ken and Tina are a separated husband and wife from Florida. He cheated on her, and she's forgiven him, but not forgotten. It's hard to look at her because of what she's done to her face (seriously, ladies, leave the eyebrows alone — the surprised look doesn't work for anyone), but they'll be the team to watch because they'll either have a heartwarming reunion or an awesome meltdown. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm just waiting for that meltdown!

Aja and Ty are dating long distance. They seem like a cute enough couple, but we'll see if they can maintain that when they're actually sharing the same physical space. If you haven't spent a lot of time with someone, this is kind of like jumping right in the deep end of that particular pool. Who knows if they'll sink or swim. They're super cute, though!

Marissa and Brooke are the blondes. Why are there always blondes? Eh. They're "southern belles" and wear fancy clothes and expensive jewelry, even when pretending to bake in their kitchen in full hair and makeup. I hate them already. But then, I always hate the blondes. Except for that one season where I think the blonde girls actually weren't superficial airheads and didn't piss me off. These girls will not be like that. I can already tell.

Andrew and Dan are fraternity brothers, but as one of them says, the six pack they focus on is in the cooler, not on the stomach. So they're not uber-fit muscley frat boys. In fact, they're kind of schlubby. That could work in their favor, as my first impression wasn't "oh, what a couple of douchey tools."

Anthony and Stephanie have been dating for four years. She really wants to get married, but he doesn't seem nearly as interested. In fact, during their interview segment, where she explains how badly she wants the ring, he looks like he wants to throw up and/or pass out. Heh.

Anita and Arthur are elderly hippies who run a bee farm. No, seriously. They have long, white hair (both of them) and he's got a long white beard to match. I really hope they don't dress in tie dyes all the time, though, and are just doing this for the show. You know, like visual shorthand for "Look, I'm a hippie!" They seem sweet and mellow, even if they look like they might smell like dirty hippies.

Kelly and Christy are best friends who have both been through divorces. So, um, that's about it. They're pretty.

Terrence and Sarah are dating, and are from New York City. At least once they get going on the race, he shouldn't be able to maintain that fauxhawk that's making me hate him on first sight. She's the buttoned-up career woman, and he's the "free spirit." They seem like an odd couple.

Mark and Bill are awesome. They're the comic book geeks, and they play Guitar Hero in their clip package. They're proud of being geeks, and hope their brains can offset their lack of brawn. Here's hoping, because they have the potential to be entertaining. I'm just afraid they won't last more than a few legs.

The teams all walk through the arena, then stop before Phil, who explains the game. There are 11 legs on the race, and 8 of the 11 pit stops at the end of them are elimination legs. Come in last on one of those, and you're out. Their first clue is at the top of the stairs behind him with their luggage, and as soon as Phil says go, they all take off running. Luckily, there's no accidents. Everyone stays on their feet. Nick and Starr are the first ones in their car and off to LAX to get one of two flights to Salvador, Brazil. I don't know why everyone races like this. There are two flights to get, so at worst, you can be at the front of the second pack. No need to panic yet. But they always do. And as people get all excited to be on The Amazing Race, we head to the credits. Nobody has a terribly embarrassing turnaround pose, though, which is disappointing.

When we come back, everyone continues racing. Terrence and Sarah are proud of themselves for taking side streets instead of the highway. Well, Terrence is proud of himself. I get the impression he does that a lot. Many of them seem to find that the American Airlines flight is better than the United, so that's what they're all going for. Oh, and in a move that will surprise no one, the hippies are in last place, and not bothered about it. Tina coaches Ken as they speed up and start passing other cars. She's a little obnoxious and pushy, but I guess he can't really complain, since he cheated on her and all. She's gonna use that trump card for the rest of their lives. Aja and Ty get a little lead when they use the car pool lane to get ahead of the pack. Things get a little confusing for some teams when they hit LAX and they don't know where to park. I have to admit that would throw me off, too. The teams that go the wrong way get the Rattlesnake of Doom sound effect, so you know they've made a mistkae. Things get even more confusing for the teams when they get inside the terminal and find the American Airlines counter. Aja doesn't see the yellow and red flag, and doubts they're in the right line. The Rattlesnake of Doom would seem to agree with her. More teams arrive in the terminal, but also struggle as to which counter to be at. The Geeks are actually the first to find the right counter and get their tickets. Yay Geeks! Still more teams arrive and also don't understand why there are aren't flags at the ticket counter. Teams introduce themselves in line, and make nice. For now, anyway. That always changes. The stragglers learn about the other line, and literally run through the terminal. Aren't there rules against that? They finally get there and start worrying about how many tickets will be available, and if they'll make the cutoff. The Frat Boys are worried about maybe not making it, and one of them remarks that the other flight could get in sooner if this one gets delayed. He says he knows because he worked in the airline industry, and other teams don't appreciate his doomsaying. Cutiepie Nick gets off some good snark by muttering that he obviously didn't work in customer relations. Heh. Some of the later teams give up and just head to United, sure they won't make this one. The Frat Boys are dismayed to learn from the overly-perky employee that the flight is now full, and they're stuck. One of them even puts his head in his hands in slow motion as we go to commercial. That was ridiculously overdramatic, even for this show. Come on guys, buck up! It's the first leg!

When we come back, Nick and Starr make nice with Ken and Tina, calling them Mom & Dad. Why would you make an alliance? One of the things I love about this show is that alliances don't really work. You have to just be a strong team. The first flight getting in 3 hours earlier, carries The Geeks, Ken & Tina, Nick and Starr, Terrence and Sarah, Aja and Ty and The Divorcées. Everyone else is on the second flight. When they land, they have to find a sandwich shop and get their next clue. The first pack finds their connecting flight delayed, but as it turns out, they're still able to land ahead of the United flight. The teams get cabs and head off for their first clue. Tina gets a little uppity when Ken doesn't know the Spanish he said he was going to learn. The Geeks get their clue first and learn that they have to basically push a thin vending cart through some narrow streets. The catch is that there are boxes and tins of candy piled atop it and are prone to fall off with the slightest move. One of them puts his coat over the boxes to kind of hold them in place. The Divorcées interview that having been in failed marriages, they know how to pull out of a bad situation. Of course, that instinct doesn't extend to getting out of the cab when the driver clearly doesn't know where he's going. It also seems like Terrence and Sarah are going to be the bickersons instead of the separated couple, as he's already getting on her case for not helping him enough with the cart. What an ass. Seriously. He won't stop hassling her. But Terrence's intensity gets them into first place ahead of The Geeks as they get finish first and get their clue. Now they must get to a military base where they will spend the night, getting departure times for the next morning in the order in which they arrive. In the cab on the way to the base, Terrence is way too excited and intense about being in first. He was the kid I hated in school for being so competitive. It's just kickball, man! Nick and Starr are happy to at least be ahead of one team, even if it is Ken and Tina, who they're supposed to be in a loose alliance with. Um, emphasis on the "loose" part of that, then? Terrence and Sarah are really excited to be first at the base. Yeah. Be that excited when you're first at the final leg. Nick and Starr are right behind them, and The Geeks are behind them. The Divorcées are totally at the wrong place, and for some reason, they get back in the same cab. Like somehow the driver magically knows where to go now? The second flight arrives in Brazil, and the hippie lady gives us our episode title as she remarks on the chaos of the adventure. Once again, Stephanie reminds us how winning the money would help them get started as a married couple, and once again in the interview, Anthony looks less-than-enthusiastic about the whole "until death us do part" thing. As the second batch of teams push their candy carts, I want to know what Blong is. It looks horribly delicious. Oh, right. Ken and Tina are the last team to make the 9AM departure in the morning. Everyone else is leaving at 9:30 and 9:45. The Frat Boys are happy they're in the front of the second pack as we go to commercials.

Coming back, everyone's settling in for the night, and Kelly (I think), one of The Divorcées, is noticing how hot a shirtless Dallas is. And he kind of is. Yummers. She doesn't think anything will happen though, which is another reason why I like this show. There's no time for alliances or showmances. It's all about the race. Terrence gets pissy about how Sarah wants to get to know the other teams when he'd rather she talk to him and connect with him. Seriously? And lose the fauxhawk dude, because it makes people realize you're a tool even before you open your mouth. The next morning, the teams head off by taxi to a church in downtown Salvador where they'll find their next clue. Terrence and Sarah get pissy when they have trouble finding a taxi and lose their tiny lead. When they do get in cabs, Sarah bitches about how Nick and Starr didn't respond when she remarked about how hard it was to find taxis. Um, I don't think they heard you. I don't think they were being bitchy. Besides, Terrence doesn't want you to talk to other people. Terrence tells us that he doesn't understand why Sarah wants to make friends, because he doesn't need friends. Huh. Good thing, because with that kind of attitude, I doubt you'll make many here. In other news, Nick and Starr could be in trouble because it doesn't appear their taxi driver knows where he's going. The final batch of teams heads out at 9:45, as Terrence and Sarah arrive at the church. He's berating her for running faster than him, and they're arguing so much they run right past the clue box into the church. But I guess it's not that noticeable because it's around the corner, as the next couple teams run past it, too. They see it on the way out, though, and learn they're at the detour. They have to choose whether they want to climb a stone staircase on their hands and knees, answering a mystery question at the top, or climb down cargo netting from the top of a building, 250 feet to the street. The stairs seems faster, because there aren't that many, but if you miss the question, you have to go back and do it again. So the first batch of teams all opt for the climbing down. As they run to the location, Sarah remarks how much she hates Nick and Starr. For not hearing you? Wow. Maybe she and Terrence are perfect for each other. They're both completely irrational. And once again, Terrence and Sarah's intensity works against them as they don't read the clue properly. Nick and Starr do, and he notes that they have to use a special staircase, not the elevator. So by the time Terrence and Sarah realize their mistake and come back down again, a couple more teams have gotten ahead of them. Only three teams can be on the netting at a time, so they'll have to wait their turn. It's super high, and I would probably have some issues. Like Tina, who tells Nick to stop telling her not to look down because she's freaked out enough that she's doing this in the first place.

The Geeks are just excited to be doing something crazy like this, because where else are you going to climb down cargo netting from the top of a building? Nick and Starr are the first to get to the bottom and get their clue sending them to their pit stop on an island. Ken and Tina are the first to get a taxi, but learn that they don't need one, because the dock is right there. So Nick and Starr are the first to realize how close it is and get in the boat by themselves. As Terrence and Sarah pass The Geeks on the rope, she remarks how unbelievable this is. Terrence then bursts out with "You can't climb and talk. I can." Seriously? Wow. What a creep. I almost typed "ass" but I think I already used that one. I'm going to run out of words for him in another week or two. Sarah grumbles about how she isn't allowed to climb and talk, and Terrence seriously then tells the Geeks: "I'm gonna talk while she climbs. This is really amazing, guys. This is what she was saying, she's really happy to be part of their team." So he's just repeating what she tried to say? Ass. Nick and Starr are the first to the mat and Phil informs them that not only have they come in first, but they've won a trip to Belize. They can go snorkeling in the coral reef and take a tubing ride through caves. I want to go! Not fair! Nick, take me! Ken and Tina come in second, and are very proud of themselves. More bickering, please! The second clot of teams reach the church and debate which will be faster. The Frat Boys are the last to get their clue and realize that with only three teams allowed on the net at one time, it'll get crowded with everyone ahead of them, and opt for the stair climbing. Terrence and Sarah come in third, and he seems annoyed when she tries to celebrate with a kiss. The Frat Boys find the stairs, and start climbing on their hands and knees while local drummers keep them company. The Geeks come in second, and I'm glad they did well. It bodes well for keeping them in the race for a few more legs, barring unforseen catastrophes. Unfortunately, when The Frat Boys get to the top, the mystery question turns out to be how many steps they climbed, and they realize they didn't count. I totally thought that would be the question, so I would've counted, just in case. They guess 40, but are told they have to go back down and try again. And they have to go the long way down, around the corner and through the streets. As they lament that their stupid move could've cost them the race, we go to commercials.

The Frat Boys climb again, counting out loud as they go this time. Meanwhile, The Divorcées are team number five. Toni and Dallas are sixth, and The Hippies are starting their climb. They're last, and they're slow, so the ending is kind of obvious at this point. Spoiler alert! The Frat Boys get to the top for the second time, but this time they know it was 53, and get their clue sending them to the pit stop. The Hippies finish their climb and get their own clue. After a brief attempt to get taxis, the teams find the dock and get the boat to Phil. The Frat Boys are in seventh, with Aja and Ty right behind them. The editors try to create some drama, but Anthony and Stephanie are ninth and The Blondes are tenth. So obviously The Hippies are done. Aw. They seemed sweet. They don't seem terribly surprised or upset to be eliminated. She says they tried as hard as they could, and he says it was a privilege to have done even the little bit that they did. And with that, the first leg comes to an end, and I'm totally psyched for next week, where it looks like Nick and Starr's "loose" alliance with Ken and Tina is starting to piss off Terrence and Sarah. Although from what I've seen so far, it doesn't look like it takes much to piss off either of them!