This 1978 ad for Oscar Mayer lunch meats is an odd duck, alternatingly mouth-watering and stomach-turning. I mean, like I said, the sliced salami looks quite good. And even in the package, labeled "Hard Salami," I'd still totally tear into it. Same with the "Beef Bologna," "Cooked Ham," and "Canadian Style Bacon." On the other hand...

Can someone explain what "Salami For Beer" is? Because I can't imagine eating salami with a glass of beer. Then again, maybe it's a delicious flavor combination, and "Salami For Beer" tastes much better with a brewski than plain "Hard Salami."

"Summer Sausage" might be okay, but "Honey Loaf" makes me a little nervous. A "loaf" of what, exactly? It vaguely resembles ham, but who knows? It's like the difference between "Beef Bologna" and regular "Bologna."

"Liver Cheese" just frightens me on all levels. I'm not the biggest fan of liver to begin with, so combining it with cheese in a squared-off processed sliced form is utterly horrifying.

But it's the really vague names that make me the most nervous of all. "Luncheon Meat?" Could you be any more vague? What, was it just whatever you had laying around leftover from all the other meats? Throw it all in a vat and process it into a square tube and slice it up? "Let's just call it 'Luncheon Meat'! Moms will serve it to their kids for lunch and they won't know any better!" I guess it's nice that the name tells you when to use the meat, since you can't tell exactly what it is. You know, like "Picnic Loaf." Perfect for a picnic. What is it? Please don't ask.

Of course, I will eat every single package of every other one of those mystery meats before I even taste one bite of "Olive Loaf." The less said about that, the better. Although now that I see "Pickle & Pimento Loaf" lurking in the corner, that might potentially be worse!