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Retrophilia: Like A Horse

retrophilia (ret troh FEE lee uh) n. 1 An intense attraction for things of the past. 2 a weekly series for popsucker wherin the irrepressible Wootini reveals the horrors of the past to the present to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

What in the world could this voluptuous, sexy woman be selling? Well, in the year 1967, it could be almost anything. Perhaps it's makeup? False eyelashes? A flim about ancient Greece? Togas? Or maybe a perfume. Not quite. But it is a scent. And one I would give anything to know what it smells like.

Make the jump and see if you agree!

Are you ready for Centaur? Yeah, me neither.

The woman in this ad it totally hot, but the guy is such a beast I can only assume they deliberately found a homeless man to appear in the photo so men would immediately believe that no matter how hideous their appearance, Centaur Cologne would lure sexy bitches in droves.

I find the concept of a "massage cologne" intriguing. Sort of like a pleasant-smelling Ben Gay. "Each morning... each evening massage CENTAUR into your torso." Okay, sounds reasonable. Instead of spraying, just rub the scent in. But then they go too far: "Massage CENTAUR into your arms, legs and loins." Loins? Are you kidding me with that? At least the next paragraph informs that there is no alcohol in the product, so it's totally safe for loins.

Also, it's hilarious that at the end of their text, the makers of Centaur warn that it's not going to attract women. That's up to you. Centaur will just make them notice how good you smell once they're all up in your business.

And while that container simply screams class, with its "rugged unglazed porcelain" and "24K gold finish," it's the refill container with its "dispenser pump" that lets you know you're really buying a high-quality product. All colognes should come with dispenser pumps!