First place finishers Starr and Nick are the first to set out on this leg at 8:55 am. They read their clue and learn that they have to find their way to an apartment complex where their next clue will be in the park at the center. They grab themselves a cab and worry that placing first again could make them a target. Only if the other teams can catch up to you! Nick also reminds that they have no problem lying to the other teams if it'll get them ahead. Just little white lies, though. They're the Diet Coke of evil. The Divorcées are next, and I'm still annoyed that they're in second. They want to stay at the front of the pack as they grab a cabbie, making sure he knows where the apartments are first. Toni and Dallas are third out, and Mom remarks how she'll always consider Dallas her little baby, but doing the race realizes that he's a man. I think Starr had the same realization... Next are Terence and Sarah, and she mentions how racing with a significant can get tense when you argue. Constantly. In their cab, they marvel at a mother, father and child all sitting on a motorcycle in front of them, a "happy family" their cab almost hits. And the father's the only one wearing a helmet! The Divorcées waste no time getting bitchy as they decide which of The Frat Boys they'd make out with if they had to. They laugh at their superiority, and I feel sick to my stomach. The Frat Boys hit the road, and Andrew muses about how they are both strong, but their strengths are very different. Ken and Tina aren't that far behind The Frat Boys, just seven minutes, so it wasn't as bad as the editors made it seem last time. They vow to not make the mistakes they did last week that screwed them up and get back into the race. Nick and Starr ask their driver to wait for them and find the park and their clue. It's a Roadblock. One of the team members must make their way through a crowd of Indian people celebrating a local festival to climb a ladder and find one of six marked clue packets hanging at the top. Sounds simple, right? Well, the way they celebrate this particular event is to throw colored powder, dye and water at each other. So it's bound to get interesting. Starr takes it, and Nick already feels bad before she even gets started. She runs through the crowd, who don't really start hitting her until she's up on the ladder and a stationary target. It's super-hard for her to see anything through the cloud of colored powder.

Meanwhile, The Divorcées' cab driver seems to have lied to them about knowing where the apartments are, and has to stop for directions. Starr quickly finds the correct clue envelope and returns to Nick to find themselves directed to a bird hospital where they must search through the cages for their next clue. As Nick is wiping the dye off of his sister's face, a particularly malicious reveler runs up and throws purple powder right in Nick's face. Now that's just rude. Funny, but rude. Okay, mostly funny. Toni and Dallas arrive, and he decides to get dirty. The Divorcées are still lost, and choke on the smell as they travel through a not-so-nice area. Classy. Toni can't even see her son through the colorful clouds, but he's found the clue, and they're off to the bird hospital. The Divorcées finally arrive, and Kelly freaks the fuck out as they throw the powder and dye at her. So much so that she runs right past the ladders and doubles back to Christy. She's completely covered in dye and needs water because it went in her mouth. There are various colors being thrown, but Kelly has been hit by so many that they've combined to turn black on her. It's nasty-looking. But hilarious. Terence and Sarah arrive as Kelly dons a hat and covers her mouth with a scarf to make another attempt. Unfortunately, they've returned to their old ways of not properly reading the clue, and Kelly returns with one of the envelopes, but the wrong one. Terence bravely takes the challenge as Sarah shouts support from the sidelines. Kelly laments that they can only pull one envelope at a time, and goes out into the fray again. Of course, Terence has read the clue properly and knows he can stop to look at the envelopes, so he finds one of the marked ones and returns to Sarah, much to The Divorcées' chagrin. They get even more annoyed when The Frat Boys show up, too. Terence and Sarah head for the birds as Dan goes to get colorful. It's hilarious. Even better than the one where they threw tomatoes at the racers. Dan compares it to a rave party but without hot chicks. What about The Divorcées? Oh right, the other week he called them "semi-attractive." In the cab, Terence looks like Violet turning violet, Violet in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, he's so purple. He complains the powder is up his nose and spits out the window. Classy. He also wants to show Sarah, but she's not really interested in looking up his nostrils. Yeah, me neither. The Frat Boys are delighted to get their clue and pass the girls, who still can't seem to figure out how to read directions. After another empty envelope, Kelly heads out again, but slips and falls right on her bitchface. She returns to Christy and says she simply can't do it anymore. Of course, as we're going to commercials, you know that's not true. Too bad.

Christy reminds Kelly of the million dollars at stake and then they finally re-read the clue and realize their error. Oh well. I wanted to see how long Kelly could put up with the dye. Hilariously, while Kelly is out finding the right clue, Christy is assaulted by the revelers, and gets doused in color, too! Hee! As messy as they are now, they have a little trouble finding a cab that will take them as Ken and Tina finally arrive and he takes the Roadblock. Tina also gets attacked, and covered in green powder. She bitches at the "asses" who threw the dye at her, and I laugh and laugh and laugh. The Divorcées try to force their way into a cab, and when the driver tries to get rid of them by claiming he doesn't know where their destination is, they insist he's lying. Christy tries waving her money around to show they can pay for their ride. Awesome. Ken returns to Tina, who now resembles She-Hulk, and they hop in a cab as The Divorcées finally find a ride of their own. Over at the bird hospital, Nick and Starr arrive, and I'm a little grossed out that local custom requires them to take their shoes off before entering. Nick hopes he's not stepping in bird poop. There's also a big Speed Bump sign outside with Ken and Tina's face on it. They find the stack of clues in a cage and learn that the Detour is next. In "Bleary Eyed," teams go to a crowded street and find a marked pole. Then they follow the power lines down the street, making note of the tiny numbered signs that appear sporadically. There are also other numbered signs in storefronts along the way that will distract and/or confuse. At the end, they give their list of numbers to a guy at a sewing machine who, if they haven't missed any, will direct them to a shop where they plug in a statue of Ganesh to receive their next clue. That ending bit is a little overly-complex, methinks. In "Teary Eyed," teams have to lug two 40-pound bags of chilis a quarter-mile to a store where they have to crush the chilis to fill a bowl. It seems easier, but at the same time, it's gonna be nasty hot. Nick and Starr opt for the power lines as Toni and Dallas find a crowd of local kids who happily direct them to the hospital. The also opt for "Bleary Eyed." Purple Dallas enjoys running down the street with the kids, and Toni's comment where she marvels at what a great guy her son grew up into sounded like an exit interview and made me nervous. Thankfully it's just mom being emotional. Terence and Sarah overthink the hospital clue and decide to enter one of the cages and dig through the tray of food before lifting it to check underneath. They eventually realize their stupidity and find the easily spotted clue in another cage. They opt for the chilis. The Frat Boys choose the power lines. Ken and Tina arrive at the hospital while The Divorcées are laughing at how ridiculous they look. At least they're seeing the humor in it the same way I am. Unfortunately, Ken and Tina are going to have to work hard to not fall behind because they've hit their Speed Bump. They have to travel to a nearby temple and hand out glasses of holy water to the crowd until all the worshipers are satisfied. How the hell do they tell when they're done? The Divorcées find the hospital and choose "Bleary Eyed."

Nick and Starr start following the power lines and he spots one of the tiny numbers. Now that they know what they're looking for, they decide to go back to the beginning to make sure they didn't miss any. They cross paths with Toni and Dallas and lie that they don't know what they're looking for. When Toni and Dallas spot one, Nick and Starr pretend that it was news to them, too, and then decide that they should all work together so they don't miss any. Yeah, so not so evil, these two. Terence and Sarah heft their big bags of chilis, and when she complains about the weight, he reminds her that she picked this one. And he calls her "bitch." Oh, sorry, I mean, "babe." It just sounds like "bitch" the way he says it. Ken and Tina start handing out their water, and both seem very good-natured about it, cracking jokes and laughing, even though they're falling further behind with every moment that passes. I love that in the post-leg interview segment, Tina's hair is still bright green. I can't wait to see if it's washed out by the next episode. Nick and Starr continue to find more numbers with Toni and Dallas, and Nick admits that it's a good thing they teamed up or they might never have found them all. Whether he's being sincere or not is up to interpretation. I'd say no, but I'm cynical that way. Terence and Sarah start crushing their chilis and are struggling with the heat. It tastes like burning. Terence is coughing up a storm. He also gives us our episode title. The Frat Boys arrive at the street and start looking for the numbers as Ken and Tina find no more people who want water and head back to the hospital. The Divorcées find the marked pole, but don't actually get out of their little rickshaw vehicle, telling their driver/pedaller to keep going as they look up searching for the numbers. Because that'll work. They're going too fast to look carefully. Ken and Tina run into a massive traffic jam and worry that they'll never catch up as we go to commercials.

When we return, Ken and Tina don't just sit in their cab lamenting their fate. No,they actually get pro-active and get out to move things out of the way so their car can move forward. Once they've worked their way through the throngs, they hop back in and get on their way. Nicely done. Nick and Starr and Toni and Dallas reach the guy at the end and get approval to go plug in their Ganeshes. The next clue directs them to the Pit Stop, which is Humayun's Tomb. The two teams hop in cabs and hope for a first place finish, but both hit traffic. India is very crowded, in case you hadn't noticed. Meanwhile, Sarah is complaining about her throat being on fire and her eyes stinging as they crush the chilis. She also complains about the shop owner not approving of their only-half-crushed chilis and making them do it right. Poor baby. The Frat Boys and the Divorcées are both tricked by the distracting other numbered signs, and the Gong Of Stupidity sounds off for emphasis. Ken and Tina get their clue at the bird hospital and opt for "Bleary Eyed." Naturally, The Frat Boys have the wrong numbers, and are sent back to the beginning. The traffic finally opens up and the two leading teams race for the Pit Stop. Terence and Sarah wish there was another team doing this Detour with them so they'd know where they are in the placement. And also so someone else can suffer like them. The Frat Boys notice that there are multiple signs with 15 on them and decide they have to write them ALL down. The Gong Of Stupidity disagrees. The Divorcées also offer their numbers, and are also wrong. At the Pit Stop, it's unfortunately Nick and Starr who arrive in first again. Hilariously, Phil has to call a gardener over from watering the lawn to be the greeter. Phil informs Nick and Starr that they're team number one, and have won a trip to Kauai. Lucky. Phil remarks on how colorful they look, and Nick and Starr are loving the game. Especially since they're the team to beat, as Phil calls them. Toni and Dallas are second, and they're happy, promising to beat Nick and Starr eventually. As long as they do it when it counts. Like the final leg.

The Frat Boys still have the wrong set of numbers, and The Divorcées continue riding along in their rickshaw, clearly going too fast to see anything. Ken and Tina start the Detour and quickly find one of the marked power lines. At the sewing machine guy, The Frat Boys offer to work with The Divorcées, but they turn them down because they feel like they're down to the wire. In fact, The Divorcées hold up cloth to cover their sheet of numbers so the boys can't cheat off them. Terence and Sarah finish crushing their chilis and get their clue to the Pit Stop. Since The Amazing Race isn't broadcast in Smell-O-Vision, the best way to understand just how bad these two feel after crushing all those chilis is when Sarah remarks that if someone told her that the only way to feel better was to rub cow manure all over herself, she totally would. that, I would like to see. Maybe next season. The Frat Boys aren't happy to see Ken and Tina have caught up to them, but naturally Ken and Tina are thrilled to discover they're still in it. The Divorcées are also upset to see the last place team has arrived, and they try to hide their numbers. Tina declares they have their own numbers, and as we know, they're the right ones, although the actor they hired to do this bit with the checking milks the tension for all that it's worth. Ken and Tina plug in their cheesy light-up statue and head for the Pit Stop. The Divorcées have at least given up on riding up and down the street and are now on foot as they agree with The Frat Boys that this sucks. Knowing they're both likely battling it out for last place, they follow the power lines as we go to commercials.

When we come back, The Divorcées are unfortunately the first ones to discover the tiny number tag and start finding the real numbers. When Ken and Tina pass The Frat Boys, they basically laugh at how they're looking at the wrong numbers, but Tina then shows them what to look for. She interviews that it might not have been the best strategic move, but I figure she knew she wasn't in last, so helping the boys wouldn't get them eliminated. Plus, as she reminds them, they owe her one. The Frat Boys are grateful for the assist, and so am I, because otherwise, I suspect they would've been eliminated. Oops! Spoiler alert! Terence and Sarah are third, and thrilled to be in the top three again. Well, there are only six teams, so top three isn't as impressive anymore. The Frat Boys and The Divorcées find all their numbers and go to turn them in. The boys are first, but the editors make it seem like the girls are right behind them. Whether or not they are, I've no idea. They also get directed to the Pit Stop, and both teams race for tuk tuks to get them to the temple ASAP. Ken and Tina race to the mat where they are thrilled when Phil places them fourth. I so love Tina with the green hair. The Frat Boys and The Divorcées have hit the same massive traffic jam that apparently afflicted the other teams, although we only saw it when it created a foot race between the leaders and the laggers. Oh, and the girls lament that they don't know how people live like this. Nice. The cameraman careens for the mat and who is it that gets to Phil first? Why, The Frat Boys. Who once again barely escape elimination. Wow. How much longer can they keep that up? The Divorcées finally get to the Pit Stop, and Phil gently eliminates them from the race. They tearfully declare that they've loved this experience, and reaffirm their BFF status. They don't need husbands because they've got each other. Kelly talks about how she would never have had this experience if she had still been "stuck at home ironing sheets" for her husband, but I don't know if she means that literally or if she's just talking about how she hated doing housework in general. Yeah, she seems like the type to insist on a maid. They both do, actually. And it's okay, because they both also seem the type to make sure they've found a husband with enough money to afford such luxuries. Well, good luck finding another one, girls!

Next time, a Fast Forward has teams champing at the bit to come in first, and tensions increase between The Frat Boys again. Looks like somebody's in last place again!