Phil welcomes us back to Moscow, Russia, where the final three teams take off for the final leg in this season of The Amazing Race. First out at 10:56 PM are Nick and Starr, who learn that they're finally going back to America, specifically Portland, Oregon. Starr is thrilled to be going home to the US as they grab a cab and head to the airport, confident that they can keep their momentum going. They find a wi-fi cafe and locate a flight, then buy their tickets at the desk. And can I just say that those last-minute prices are a bitch? All the flights on-screen were almost $5,000. Good thing they're not paying for it! Next out of the gate are The Frat Boys, who depart at 2:28 AM. Wow, that's one hell of a lead Nick and Starr had. The Boys insist that they shouldn't be counted out, and they deserve to be in the final three. Um, no, you kind of don't. But good for you making it this far anyway. They get to the airport and look at flights, and they'll all clearly get on this 7 AM flight to Frankfurt transferring to go to Portland. Ken and Tina are the last to depart at 3:30 AM, and I can't believe it took them an hour just to find that final clue box. Remember? They got to the mat with The Frat Boys, and then had to go back because they hadn't found the final clue that told them to go to the Pit Stop? That's a whole hour they bled out looking for that damn box. They're both unusually thrilled to be going to Portland for some reason, and vow to come in first. The Frat Boys buy their tickets, and then head to the internet cafe to join Nick and Starr in looking up the information on the adventure camp in Portland they need to find. Ken and Tina get to the airport, and for some reason she's freaking out as they buy the tickets, forcing Ken to reassure her. They get their tickets easily enough, so I don't know what all that drama was about. Someone's getting antsy as the end approaches. The teams all get on the plane, boasting about how they're going to kick ass. I believe exactly two of them.

The plane touches down and Ken and Tina bolt out of the aircraft and through the airport, closely followed by Nick and Starr. Seriously, they are running. The Frat Boys lag, naturally. Nick and Starr are first into a cab and on their way, and naturally The Frat Boys are last. Ken complains that Nick and Starr have a horseshoe up their rear end because of all their luck, but the Frat Boys still have no luck at all, once again picking a cab driver that doesn't know where he's going. Nick and Starr's driver makes a brief wrong turn which allows Ken and Tina to be first at the Detour. Phil explains the choices which revolve around Oregon's logging industry: "High and Dry" has teams climbing 30 feet up a tree, balance across a horizontal log to another tree, then jump from there to a hanging trapeze where they have to grab half a clue. The other team member does the same, grabbing the other half on their way down, at which point, they can put the pieces together and figure out where to go next. In "Low and Wet," teams must balance their way across 850 feet of floating log bridges to a clue on the other side of the water. So dangerous and quick or less dangerous and slower. But also potentially wetter. Ken and Tina opt for the climbing, and Nick and Starr do the same, while The Frat Boys are still lost. Well, their driver is. Though if they knew where they were going, they could help, I guess. Ken and Tina have the Detour explained to them, and Tina reminds her husband that she's afraid of heights. But I guess she's going along with it 'cause it's faster. Nick climbs the other tree as Ken leaps at the trapeeze and gets his clue. Meanwhile, The Frat Boys borrow the driver's cell phone to call the destination and get directions. Amazingly, Nick doesn't even grab the trapeze when he leaps, just snatching the clue as he falls. Tina starts up the tree, but is slowed by her helmet slipping off her head. Nick coaches Starr as she climbs, but Ken is getting annoyed at Tina fretting over her helmet. The Frat Boys are getting pissed at their driver, telling him where to go. Starr starts across the horizontal log as Tina continues fussing with her helmet. The Frat Boys are still on their way as Starr makes her jump and grabs the clue. As Starr descends, Tina is really freaking out at the prospect of walking across the log bridge between the two trees. It's narrow and scary, but they're wearing harnesses, so it's not like she'll fall 30 feet to her death. Nick and Starr piece together their clue, which directs them to The Bridge of the Gods where they'll take a zip line 2,000 feet across a river to an island below for their next clue. Scary! But also very awesome. Ken is frustrated that their rivals are leaving as Tina inches her way across the log. Faced with the leap of faith to the trapeze, Tina really loses it, and Ken's yelling isn't helping as we go to commercials.

When we come back, Tina finally tells Ken to shut up and let her do it. She does, and they get their clue. As they run back to the cabs, she basically asks him to stop yelling at her. They get in a cab right behind Nick and Starr, and Ken remarks that it looks like a two-team race right now. Yeah, because The Frat Boys are only just now arriving at the Detour, and despite the editing, they're probably way behind at this point. They're not giving up, though. Good for them. I've only seen one team do that, and it was truly pathetic. Never say die! The leading teams are in a taxi race, with Starr hoping they can at least do the task faster than Ken and Tina. Ken and Tina, for their part, make a lame Austin Powers reference that they're racing for "one meeeelion dollars." Pinkies and everything. Sigh. Unfortunately for Nick and Starr, they pass the bridge, giving Ken and Tina the slight edge getting to the zip line. The Frat Boys climb the tree and grab their clues as Tina freaks out again at the zip line. It is pretty far up. The Frat Boys get their next clue, and hope speeding through the Detour helped them. Yeah, probably not. Tina rides her zip line, and despite her fear of heights, seems to love it. It does look pretty impressive. Nick and Star arrive on the bridge as Ken takes off on his ride. Ken and Tina get their clue, and Phil describes the task. As usual, the final task is a memory game. There's a giant board with ten spaces, one for each leg of the race. In each space will be a symbol like Road Block, Detour, Pit Stop or Route Info. The teams must match the leg with the photo of whatever that symbol was before going to the next one. The catch is that the photos are placed in 150 clue boxes arranged in a field on the island. That's a whole lot of clue boxes to search. It's a very intimidating sight. Okay, that explanation kind of sucked, but let's go with it. For the first leg, the symbol is Route Info, which means they're looking for a photo of the snack cart they had to push. Ken and Tina run through the clue boxes, but they choose the rope ladder photo, which was the task at the end of that leg. So when the green light doesn't go on, they have to run and put it back before finding another picture.

Meanwhile, Nick rides his zip line, and Starr's right. He does kind of look like Peter Pan. She's next, and rides part of the way upside-down for fun. They get their directions, and get started on the puzzle as Ken and Tina find the photo of the snack cart. She seems concerned that it's not actually them pushing the snack cart, but he's like, don't worry about it, just go. The green light goes on, so they move to the second leg, and the symbol is for Detour. They remember that's where they moved the boat, and head off to search the 150 clue boxes to find that photo. They get it and run back as Nick stops Starr so they can figure out exactly what they're looking for before they waste more time. Ken and Tina start on the third one, which is a Roadblock, and quickly recall the Cholitas. Nick and Starr put the church photo in, but it's wrong and they start again. Meanwhile, The Frat Boys are still dealing with their crappy cabbie who seems unwilling to drive above the speed limit. They really got hosed on this one. Nick and Starr finally find the sandwich cart photo as Ken and Tina find the Cholitas. The fourth leg is a Pit Stop, but they think they're looking for the first thing they did on that leg, which is the Gordian knot. Nick and Starr are moving at a nice clip, and Ken and Tina are getting worried. The knot is wrong, and Tina realizes that the symbol is the one for the Pit Stop. Duh. Nick and Starr have caught up to them, finding the photo of the New Zealand sheep farm at what seems to be the same time. Tina urges Ken to stop worrying about the other team while Nick coaches Starr that they can do this faster. What about The Frat Boys? Oh, they're calling for directions to the bridge. Man, that driver just sucks. He doesn't know where anything is! I mean, the adventure camp I'll give you. Probably not that popular. But that bridge is massive, and clearly an important monument that residents should probably know about. Especially cab drivers. I'm just saying. Anyway, back in the interesting part of the race, Nick and Starr are looking for the photo of a hotel while Tina dismisses Ken's suggestion that a hotel is what they're looking for this time. Nick and Starr find it first and take the lead. Ken finds the photo of the hotel, and although Tina insists that's not what they're looking for, they try it, and are right. Lucky. Nick and Starr move on to find the photo of the Kazakhstan Pit Stop, and try to remember where they saw that photo in the 150 boxes. Problem is, they thought it was Russia, and have to go back for Kazakhstan. Which lets Ken and Tina take back the lead. But Nick and Starr are quick on their feet, and almost seem to be getting quicker. Ken and Tina find the Russian chapel, and move on to the Russian monuments Road Block. Star and Nick are running at top speed, and they uncover the final one. Ken's worried, but Tina insists she's not paying any attention to them. They probably should be, though, because Nick and Starr totally find the photo of a monument and race back to their game board. If Ken and Tina had seen the clue box Nick and Starr were at before bolting back to their board, they could've caught up. Nick freaks out when the green light doesn't go on, but it eventually does. I think that was just production fucking with them. If it was, that's hilarious. They take off running for the parking lot for their next clue. Tina realizes that they're now in second as we go to commercials.

Nick and Starr get their next clue, which tells them to take a taxi to downtown Portland. Specifically the Portland Building, where they will search the area around it to find a green dinosaur nearby. Next to that will be their next clue. As their cab takes off, Starr can see Ken and Tina finishing and getting their clue. Oh, The Frat Boys are doing their zip lines and start on their puzzle, but this will be the last we see of them. No spoilers there. There's always a team who's so far behind they disappear from the show about halfway through. Things are about to get so crazy-intense that there's no time to waste with the Frat Boys! Nick and Starr borrow their driver's phone to call for information on the Portland Building while Ken and Tina's driver makes some calls himself. Then it becomes a cab race, literally, as Ken and Tina's car takes the lead, but then Nick and Starr pass them back again. Nick is fiercely determined, but Starr is starting to freak out again. In downtown Portland, the cabs take separate routes, and it looks like Nick and Starr's driver made the better call, because they find the building first. They quickly spot the dinosaur in the window of the Standard Plaza building, and race inside. You can tell Nick's really thinking, because he wants them to stand away from the window while they read their clue. A green dinosaur isn't that hard to spot, but it's even easier when there's two sweaty racers with giant backpacks standing next to it. The clue sends them to the Alder Street Cart Pod, which is a collection of food carts. There, they have to find the Russian one and get their next clue. Meanwhile, Ken and Tina finally locate the Portland Building, and Nick and Starr are careful not to be spotted as they leave. They get directions to Alder Street and head off as Ken and Tina wander around for a while before spotting the dinosaur. They only find it by stopping in City Hall and getting directions from a guard. They get their clue and start running as Nick and Starr find the carts. Luckily, people in Portland are surprisingly friendly, and neither team has trouble getting directions from random passers-by. Starr thinks she spots the Russian flag on a cart, but Nick points out it's actually the Italian flag. Heh. But they do find the Russian cart, and get their clue directing them to a place where "the magic is in the hole." To figure out what that means, Starr just starts asking everyone around her if they've heard the phrase. A woman with a cane doesn't know, and suggests looking in a phone book, but amazingly, a guy hears them and tells them that it's the catchphrase for a place called Voodoo Donut. Wow. That was a lucky break. He gives them directions and they run off down the road, Starr asking Nick to slow up a bit. That's a lot of running to be doing with those packs on. Ken and Tina find the carts and get their clue. Annoyingly, the woman with the cane must have overheard the earlier exchange, because when they ask about the magic being in the hole, she happily tells them about Voodoo Donut. Ken and Tina are dismayed to learn another team is ahead of them, but the woman urges them to take a different route to the shop that will be shorter. No fair! Apparently not content to just be taking the long way around, Nick and Starr also run right past the cinema the guy told them about in the directions. Of course, their cameraman sees the theater and helpfully lingers on it. Love when they do that. Ken and Tina keep running, but Nick and Starr are first to the donut shop. Their clue directs them to take a taxi to the Pit Stop, and the editors would have us believe that Ken and Tina are right behind them, but who knows. Both teams struggle to hail a cab, freaking out that they're losing time waiting.

After the final commercial break, we return to the teams freaking out about finding a cab. Hilariously, Ken tries to grab a taxi, offering fifty bucks to let them have it. But the driver angrily declares that he has a customer, and drives off. Hee! Nick and Starr find a cab, and then Ken and Tina do, too. Nick offers their driver $70 if he gets them to Pittock Mansion ASAP. I wonder if that's everything he's got left. Their driver asks if they're okay because they're clearly freaking out. Especially Starr. Ken and Tina's car is much calmer as they take a moment to pray. Starr is seriously losing it, but Nick just looks excited and wide-eyed. He's very cute. Phil is waiting patiently at the finish line, flanked by the other teams, and who comes around the corner first? Nick and Starr. Yay! They race up to the finish and Phil declares them the winners of The Amazing Race. There's crying and hugging and the other teams applaud them. Well, the other teams minus Toni and Dallas, who it turns out, are still stuck in Russia because of their lost passports. Although I read that they were able to make the wrap party that night, so it sucks they couldn't be part of the actual finish. Ken and Tina show up, and get their hugs and applause out of the way before totally stealing Nick and Starr's thunder. Phil asks them if they were able to reconnect on the race, and Ken totally pulls their wedding rings out of his bag to ask Tina if they can start wearing them again. She tearfully agrees, and even Phil has to wipe away a tear. Aw. Ken and Tina declare that they're going to make their marriage work, no matter how hard it gets. Good luck. You certainly weren't The Bickersons I was expecting, so that's a good sign. The Frat Boys finish, and are thrilled simply to have made it to the end. Third place is good enough for them. And better than they had any right to expect, honestly. Oh, and I also read that while Ken and Tina finished about 11 minutes behind Nick and Starr, The Frat Boys were about an hour-and-a-half behind them all. But they're still proud of what they've accomplished, and they should be. I don't know if I could make it to the final three. Everyone hugs each other as Starr interviews that their really strong relationship helped them win. All of the teams (minus Toni and Dallas, sigh) group together for a photo op and that, my friends, is the end of another amazing season of The Amazing Race. I hear it's coming back early next year, which is kind of annoying, because I don't like when they double up seasons. You've gotta have a break so you miss it and can't wait for it to come back. But if you enjoyed reading my recaps, let me know if I should do it again. Or maybe I should do a different show? What do you think? Did anybody even read these things?