We open with the skyline of Brazil before Tyra Mail warns the girls: "You'd better be on point tomorrow or you can kiss this competition good-bye." That's not much for them to go on, but then they see the scripts for their Cover Girl commercial, so they figure it out. Aminat knows that she's the serious underdog here, and has to work her butt off. Teyona is psyched to be in the final three, and practices in the bathroom with her pal, but Allison is sitting alone going over her lines, determined to be number one. The next day, the girls meet up with Mr. J to see whether or not they are worthy of being an actual Cover Girl. If they win, Mr. J reveals that their ad will be seen nationally, as well as in Wal-Mart stores. Um, yay? Then he introduces a block of wood — oh, wait, it's last year's winner, McKey. She awkwardly talks up the selling point of some new lipstick that isn't a lipstick because it sounds like a marker that stains your lips, which is why they call it lip stain. Thank you for reminding me why I'm glad I'm not a girl. The bitches go into hair and makeup and there is more product placement for the markers.

The first victim is Aminat, and I'm not sure why as she walks to set there is a guy on either side of her shielding her with giant... um, I don't know what the technical term is. They're not reflectors because they're black. It's just canvas stretched out on a rectangular metal frame. Basically, they're shielding her on either side. It's weird. Is it that windy? Anyway, Aminat is super-confident going into this because she kind of has to be. After her first take, Mr. J tells her to ramp up the personality and move her face. She actually doesn't suck, even if she's a little mushmouthed. Mr. J thinks that she's got the energy and the personality, but her eyes remain dead. Now she moves on to her photo shoot. Photographer Jim De Yonker thinks Aminat's got all the elements, but needs to mature more as a model.

Hey, it's Allison's turn. She also is shielded from... whatever, as she walks to set. Her hair is up and she looks quite pretty. Knowing that her last Cover Girl commercial sucked balls, she knows she has to ace it today. Unfortunately, at the end of her first take, she goes totally and completely blank. Allison apologizes, but in a totally adorable way. Mr. J tells her to calm down and not to lose it, and awesomely, Allison is super cute and works it out. Mr. J allows that it was miles better than her last commercial, but still isn't sure she's a true Cover Girl. Time for photos! They've taken Allison's hair down, and Jim loves her eyes. Of all of them, I feel like Allison has the youth and prettiness you'd think Cover Girl and Seventeen Magazine are looking for. But what do I know? I'm a writer, not a judge on a reality show about modeling.

Teyona steps onto set, and I guess the wind has died down, because she gets no shielding from the elements. Or maybe it's just that her hair already looks windswept. Teyona doesn't want to get sent home this close to victory, but immediately starts fucking up the lines and can't get it back. Mr. J tells her not to be nervous, and tries to get her to sing the lines in the song she told him she made up this morning. She gives it a go, but instead of loosening her up, it sends her over the edge. She can't do it, and seriously starts losing her shit. Teyona's tears wash us into the commercials.

When we return, Teyona is still a hot mess, although with fabulous hair. As she tries to calm herself down, it just seems to make it worse. Mr. J tries desperately to be nice and sends her on her way to the photo shoot. Her hair is put up in a ponytail for this, and Jim likes her energy on set. So that's pretty much clue one that Teyona is winning right there, because she biffed that commercial spectacularly, and we never heard Mr. J say a bad word about her. The girls return home to find a Tyra Mail warning that one of them will be cut tomorrow. Aminat feels like she did a great job, and will be one of the final two. Allison is nervous to see how her commercial and photo came out. Teyona is still crying in her interview because she's terrified that she just blew it. It's uncomfortable to watch. So let's cut to the next day and send these three to judging!

Aminat looks freaking stunning again at judging. What the hell is up with that? Tyra has crazy wide hair going on as she tells them that the final two girls will walk off against each other in a Rosa Cha fashion show. Amir Slama is the designer, and is the guest judge. Tyra reveals that as soon as the final two are announced, they'll go straight to their Seventeen cover shoot. Time for the commercial screening! As usual, they cut the best footage from each girl together so nobody really comes off that badly. Well, except for Teyona, who demonstrates the lip stain and then gives one of her frighteningly toothy grins. Also, they probably shouldn't have had Teyona dance. Not her strong point.

Teyona comes up for individual judging, and they screen her best take. It's not good. She stops, starts, stops, and starts again. It's rough. Miss J is shocked. Nigel asks what happened, and Teyona confesses her nerves got to her and starts crying again. Miss J tells her not to cry, but we all know that Tyra's alien race lives off of the tears of wannabe models. Tyra advises Teyona not to break down in tears, but to fake it and shake it off. But enough negativity, let's look at her photo. And it's lovely. Tyra thinks it should be in the dictionary when you look up "smiling with your eyes." Next comes Allison and her best take is cute and adorable, even when she stumbles over the Brazilian line. The judges think it was okay, and Tyra explains that her speech was kind of stiff, urging her to be more natural. Her photograph is beautiful. Tyra admits that she was surprised by what a good job Allison did because she never saw her as a commercial model. But she kind of is! Aminat steps forward looking gorgeous, and her solo take is impressive. They all enjoy it. Especially the shoulder shrug she gave for emphasis at one point. Very natural. Her photo is slightly less impressive. It's boring. It also looks like they airbrushed it more than the others. Tyra is again frustrated that Aminat can't use her face properly. Now it's time for the girls to go while they deliberate. What shall we do? How about we watch McKey's final Life as a Cover Girl? It's basically a recap of how she walked in a fashion show. Remember when she did that thing last week? Yeah. Whatever. You won't remember it in another week!

Deliberations! Teyona took a beautiful photograph, but choked on the commercial. Is she too one-dimensional? Miss J can't see Allison in a Rosa Cha fashion show, but Amir likes her. Nigel notes that while Allison seems short, she's actually the same height as Teyona. Tyra notes how it's all about how you carry yourself. And heels don't hurt, either. Aminat is a lovely girl, but mostly only in person, not so much in photos. Paulina thinks she's got potential, but doesn't know what to do with it. And with that, they have reached a decision. Tyra reveals that the first girl in the finale fashion show is... Allison! Woo woo! Love it! I never thought they'd risk it, but there you go. So now we have to pretend like Aminat has a chance as she steps forward with Teyona. Who goes home? Is it the girl who is stunning but doesn't know how to take stunning photos? Or is it the girl with the fabulous photos but the incredibly disastrous commercial? Well, duh. It's Aminat going home. Tyra congratulates Teyona before hugging Aminat and telling her to go learn what the hell to do with her face so she can make money off her beauty. Aminat cries as she gives her final interview about how bad she wanted it. She promises to keep working and modeling and figuring out what the hell to do with her face.

Allison and Teyona head to their photo shoot where Ann Shoket welcomes them and sends them to hair and makeup. Like I said before, Allison looks more appropriately youthful in the clothes and set-ups. Teyona looks a little mature and sexy. Ann claims it's a really close race between the two girls. Have you not been watching the show? Whatever, there's no time to waste, as we cut to the next day where Mr. J welcomes us to some crazy giant auditorium with what looks like a giant tongue sticking up out of it. He wants to see them stomping and sexy, and brings them inside to undergo hair and makeup. Teyona is trying to think positive and be confident as she walks. McKey asks Allison if she's nervous, but Allison admits that at this point, there's nothing she can do, so why worry? Allison knows she has a weaker walk, but claims to have been practicing, so look out! They're wearing skimpy bikinis, and Allison tells us she has to pull it together, STAT. I guess Tyra coming in won't help their nerves. Actually, Allison doesn't seem too surprised to see her. Or more likely, she's just so overwhelmed that her brain is having trouble processing anything. Tyra has to hug Teyona carefully since she's covered in feathers. Teyona, not Tyra. She also mentions they have to do the Brazilian stomp, but I don't know what that is. And we still won't. They don't stomp. Teyona steels herself for the walking as we go to commercials.

Allison is nervous because it's a swimsuit fashion show, and as she mentioned in an earlier episode, she doesn't think she has a great swimsuit body. Teyona is determined to keep her confidence up. Tyra and the judges all walk out to applause, and what is Miss J wearing? Is that a caftan? Some guys come out and do capoeira in the runway, and then the show begins. McKey opens and walks around like she is as bored as we are watching her. Teyona has red feathers coming off her arms, and holds her hands on her hips as she struts around the crowd. It's not so much a runway as a path around the chairs. Some chick who won a cycle of Brazil's Next Top Model is also walking, but she looks as bored as McKey. And who cares about her because it's Allison's turn! To my shock and amazement, she is good. The judges are also suitably impressed that Allison has learned to walk, and Tyra even shoots her a "nice one" smile. The girls go backstage to swap into their next outfits, and Teyona's a mite concerned because this next one, they have to strut and samba. Allison plays with her tasslels, since she knows she can't really dance. As Teyona walks by the judges, Miss J totally gets up and starts shaking his groove thing, but Teyona freezes him out. Cold! He does the same thing for Allison, but she gives him a smile and a hip shimmy as she goes by. The judges think it's cute. Fernanda Motta is also walking in the show, and looks like the supermodel that she is compared to these skinny wannabes.

For the final round of the runway, the girls are all covered in black paint or oil or something nasty-looking. Mr. J warns anyone if they touch him they will die. The girls crawl out onto the runway with some male models in Speedos and they all writhe around on the floor like something out of a filthy porno. And I mean filthy, because it's like mud everywhere. Teyona actually writhes so hard her ponytail weave flies out, so she grabs it and whips it around, improvising. And to my continued surprise, Allison actually also looks sexy! Afterwards, Tyra heads backstage to tell them how great they did, and warn them that after they clean up, they'll be heading to the final judging! Allison and Teyona are actually being judged while standing there in Rosa Chá bikinis, so I really hope they turned the air conditioning down for them. Tyra and her crazy hair go over the prizes again, and calls them both forward to be judged. By the way, Miss J's bow tie is now so enormous that he looks like a clown. For serious. The judges admit that Allison walked surprisingly well. They all thought the same thing I did, which is that Teyona would wipe the runway with her. Go Allison! Teyona walked well, but not as well as they were hoping she would. She came off a little robotic.

Then they move on to a selection of their past photo shoots. In the self-lighting shoot, Allison was fantastic, and Teyona was a little stiff. But wait, didn't Teyona win that week? In the one with the colored powder on their faces, Paulina admits this was where she realized how beautifully Teyona's face photographs. Allison's was a bit weird-looking, which put Nigel off, but intrigued Miss J. Nigel was impressed at Allison's shot with Ciara, because she was actually sexy for a change, and Tyra liked her versatility. Of course, they also went gaga over Teyona's shot. Remember the Carmen Miranda shot? The judges liked the sultry spin Teyona put on it, and also Allison's sexy pin-up look. Tyra closes with her bird shoot (naturally), and admits she enjoyed shooting Allison more. She repeats that this winning shot was her sixth frame, then moves on to Teyona's, which Nigel still doesn't like. But Tyra does, and Miss J can't say enough good things about it. Tyra points out how close this race is, because their critiques are pretty much equal at this point. She sends them in the back to wait while they try and figure out who America's Next Top Model will be. Hey, remember Fatima? She's a Top Model in Action, living in New York City and modeling. I know, right?

The judges deliberate. In runway, Teyona was good, but not as good as they thought she'd be, while Allison was way better than they expected her to be. Teyona was a better walker, but Allison was most improved. Tyra also liked the way that Allison took a second to dance with Miss J. And Allison was sexy writhing on the floor, but when Teyona lost her weave and whipped it around, she stole the show. Miss J thinks Teyona wants it more, even though she loves Allison and thinks she can do great editorial work. Paulina appreciates how far Allison came from her mousy brunette nosebleed-loving start to become a real model. Teyona's face is long and alien, but Tyra says that works in high fashion. Nigel points out how consistently good her photos have been. They have reached a decision. And even at this point, I thought there was still a chance that Allison might pull it out in the end. Tyra reveals that they're both fabulous, but the judges see a little bit more in one of them. America's Next Top Model is... Teyona! Allison congratulates her, and Tyra hugs her victor. Then Tyra takes a minute to congratulate Allison on her transformation, and Allison is just proud to have made it this far. Oh, she'll be fine. Seriously, she was probably signed with an agency before this episode even aired. Teyona is super-excited, but has to go do a shoot with Tyra and Nigel right now! The editors cycle through Teyona's pictures, and honestly there's only a few duds in there. I still liked Allison more, though. Teyona poses with Tyra as Tyra voiceovers robotically about how she discovered Teyona, and isn't she fabulous? Eh. I still liked Allison better. Well, that's the end of another cycle of Top Model insanity! Hope you guys had as much fun as I did. And if you like it, let me know if I should bother doing this again next year. Or maybe I should try another show next time? There's plenty of cheese out there, that's for sure!